Entry 2: The Sound of a Solo Revolution

Navigating the Vacuum of Support

Every business that I see flourish is often romanticized as a collaborative journey. My reality is quite different, with only me, myself, and I. I operate off energy drinks, determination, and little sleep. The problem is not the lack of clothes I can make, nor is it a broken needle or a tangled bobbin. To me, it’s the deteriorating lack of motivation. My only motivation to keep trying is my own self and stuffies. I love creating clothes for them to try on, since nobody else wants to. When the people closest to you are skeptical, it feels like a vacuum that sucks and doesn’t stop. I feel like I’m in this rut currently.

I’m grateful that with my practice right now, my fashion teacher can provide me with scraps and fabrics needed to try to make more items. Starting with these different pieces of fabric I did not necessarily choose is slightly exhausting, as I don’t really have a safety net. I guess it would be a lot easier for me to simply follow a path laid out for me and focus solely on my studies. After all, it’s what my whole family wants from me. But it is so difficult when there are situations when I have ideas, and I cannot just sit on them forever. I have urges to plan, needing to execute and I must prove that my passion for doing this is not just a phase. I just have to.

I am slowly trying to find my own motivation, teaching myself that I do not need an audience to begin work that I am passionate about. The soft humming and buzzing of my sewing machine has become my own personal soundtrack, one that instantaneously drowns away the doubts of those who believe I need to do something that is “more practical”. The fact that I can do even this much by myself makes my progress feel more significant. Help from people and a shoulder to lean on is always nice, but I don’t need it for this dream. I just need myself.